Whether you’re greatly involved in online queer discourse, or have simply stumbled across certain queer term sand labels, you have likely heard the term ‘femme’ used to describe someone. Typically used in the context of lesbian, female-identifying people, to be a ‘femme’ goes beyond what much of the online content on the term expels on the surface. By delving into the history of ‘femme’ culture, as well as the ways in which the label has evolved to more contemporary concepts of queerness and identity, this article aims to bring you up to speed on all things ‘femme’!
i. Doesn’t it Just Mean Feminine?
To be a ‘femme’ is to express one's queerness through their femininity, so in short, yes. Beyond the label, however, there is more than just what we might consider to be typical “feminine” qualities. The terminology began to be used in the 40s to describe relationship dynamics between “femme” and “butch” women, the former being a feminine presenting woman and the latter being masculine presenting. Though a reclaiming of gender labels and a defiance of 20th century concepts of what women “ought to be”, the femme label was greatly misunderstood, being met with significant backlash by radical feminists, as PhD Rhea Hoskin noted in a Them magazine interview. Many of them felt the self-identification by these women as “femmes”, possessing what were then stereotypically feminine ways of dress and demeanor, was too closely aligned with the patriarchal norms that feminism was fighting so hard to dismantle. Moreover, femme women received even greater abhorrence when in relationships with “butch” or masculine-presenting women. These dynamics were seen as “perversion of lesbian identity” and rehashing of heteronormativity (A brief history of butch and femme: Living gender outside the binary — The One Woman Project). What's more, this was only made more difficult for those lesbians who were working class, black or members of other minorities at the time. This anti-femme discourse was largely pushed by middle class white feminists, making the conflict between the two groups all the more enhanced.
Though, as noted above, being ‘femme’ in the 20th century context was not about backpedalling feminism pedagogy of a less patriarchal society. In fact, it was entirely to the contrary. As Syaa Liesch reports for the One Woman Project, “Femmes are not just feminine women – they subvert expectations of patriarchal femininity by reclaiming, redefining and embodying femininity outside the bounds of the gender binary. ”This boundary pushing is only more apparent now, with more comprehensive understandings of the gender binary at its heart. As seen below, the label has developed widely, and has become a widely inclusive label of queer identity.
ii. So what does it mean to be ‘femme’ in 2025?
As Sam Manzella notes in their article for Them, there is now no single definition or visual presentation of a ‘femme’ individual. Rather, the label has extended to include non-binary people, queer women (not being exclusive to lesbians), as well as queer men. As Sam goes on, “It’s…about the choices…[one] make[s] regarding their outward presentation,” and is entirely separate from gender identity.
Now more than ever, to be a femme is to reclaim one's identity as a feminine-presenting person, and expel that identification of its once patriarchal, oppressive expectations. To be femme is to uplift femininity and exist as a queer person outside of what society tells us queerness ought to look like. This LGBTQ+ history month, take time to look beyond the common labels and learn their backgrounds, expanding your understanding of queerness and identity above and beyond surface-level.
Sources:
- https://www.them.us/story/what-does-it-mean-to-be-femme
- https://www.onewomanproject.org/lgbtqia/2024/4/23/a-brief-history-of-butch-and-femme-living-gender-outside-the-binary